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Tiny Tyger, Baby Bear and Me: Tyger Has a Diagnosis

Saturday 12 September 2015

Tyger Has a Diagnosis

It's arrived.  I expected the envelope to contain the report from Tyger's last appointment and perhaps even an appointment for the next step.  It did contain the report and...an official diagnosis!

So, I can formally say - though, I have been informally saying it for about a year now - Tyger has 'High functioning autistic spectrum disorder', which is basically Asperger's (they just don't tend to use the term anymore).  In fact, the child psychologist herself referred to it as Asperger's both in the appointment and in her written report.  I only mention this because I think a lot of people have a better idea of what is meant by 'Asperger's Syndrome' than 'high functioning ASD' (not to mention the controversy surrounding the use of the phrase 'high functioning').

However, as much as the term 'Asperger's' is helpful in some ways, there are some misconceptions (okay, loads of misconceptions) about what it means to be an Aspie so I thought I'd address some of those.

Firstly, no Tyger does not have a 'special ability'.  I think Rain Man is probably largely responsible for the belief that all Aspies are also savants.  They're not.  Sadly, Tyger is not likely to earn large sums of money through counting cards or drawing amazingly accurate pictures from memory.  He can't glance at a group of objects and tell you immediately how many there are (unless there are three because before he's actually counted anything he will always tell you there are three...I'm not convinced that counts as a special ability, though).

I already covered this second point in my blog post last week but it's worth reiterating: it is a myth that autistic people don't feel empathy.  In fact, there's good reason to believe people with ASD often feel empathy far more keenly than their neurotypical counterparts to the point where they are completely overwhelmed by it and incapable of action.  They also often don't know the socially acceptable way of showing said empathy.  These problems mean - to the casual observer - they may seem indifferent to someone else's suffering but the truth is they may be so affected they are struck by an inability to do anything about it.  We have our own example of this in our house.  One time my sisters were playing on a water slide in the garden when my parents were out.  My youngest sister badly hurt her leg (think: lots of blood and tears).  So, my Aspie sister reacted by...leaving Youngest Sister out there to cry and going inside for a shower.  She has since explained that she didn't know what to do and apparently she has her best ideas in the shower so this seemed to be the most sensible solution.  The epiphany she had in the shower was to make ice cream floats.  I'm not sure how much this helped Youngest Sister's leg but I guess it distracted her.  It wasn't callousness that sent Aspie Sister running to the shower instead of helping and comforting Youngest Sister, it was simply the helplessness she felt when confronted with this entirely new scenario.  She wasn't equipped to deal with it but I can assure you she's an empathetic person.

The third one is probably one I've covered before, too.  It is absolutely not true that autistic people always prefer their own company and don't want friends.  I mention this as something my mum was told by a fracking doctor, who should know better.  When my mum first took Aspie Sister to the GP with her concerns the GP told her 'the good news' was it wasn't autism because my sister 'wanted friends'.  Any time my sister sees that GP now my mum always mentions her ASD diagnosis very pointedly.  ASD is a social and communication disorder.  Aspies do struggle with social situations and communicating in a socially acceptable way.  Because of this they may find it hard to make or keep friends but that doesn't mean they don't want any!  I struggle to do lots of things.  Hey, I find writing most of these blog posts hard; obviously that means I don't want to write a blog...right?

Fourthly and finally I'm just going to straight up steal a great saying I've seen floating around the internet.  If you know one person with autism; you know one person with autism.  It's a big smegging spectrum and even aside from all the autistic traits varying from one person with ASD to the next, their personalities also vary.  You know, just like how everyone else's personalities vary?  If your neighbour's cousin's autistic friend once had a meltdown because you put the milk in their tea before the water (although, why anyone would do that in the first place is completely beyond me but I guess this post is all about accepting that people are wrong different) that doesn't mean the next autistic person you meet will even like tea, let alone get worked up by how it's made.

I hear some of them even drink coffee.

Anyway, back to Tyger's diagnosis.  How do I feel about it?  I've wondered for a year now how I'd react to finally getting that letter.  Would I feel relief that it's been recognised and he'll find it easier to access the support he might need in the future?  Would I feel vindicated?  Would I feel upset despite already knowing he had ASD?

Actually, I don't feel much.  Perhaps the numbness will wear off at some point but I suspect it's more the fact I've come to realise a diagnosis isn't the end point I once thought it was.  Okay, so Tyger is officially autistic now: that doesn't change his daily struggles (or mine).  He was already autistic before we got the letter through and he won't stop being autistic now.  I'm glad he has the diagnosis because it may make a difference at some future point but life isn't a film with a nice neat conclusion.  I want to say the wheel never stops turning but it doesn't seem appropriate to start throwing in Firefly references so I think I'll stop here...

...That only matters to the people on the rim.


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At 12 September 2015 at 23:08 , Blogger Ali said...

This is so interesting and perfect timing to read as my nephew has just been diagnosed. I love your level headed approach to explaining it, I didn't realise about the empathy thing either, sharing this with y sister x Ali from mum in a nutshell popping up from Sunday's stars

At 13 September 2015 at 00:17 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Thank you and I hope it can be of some help to your sister (or at least maybe it'll be nice for her to see other parents are in the same position). The whole empathy thing is quite a recent realisation, I think.

Thanks for reading.

At 14 September 2015 at 03:48 , Blogger Unknown said...

Some great explanations to challenge some common misconceptions here. Thanks for sharing x

At 14 September 2015 at 05:33 , Blogger Midwife and Life said...

It's great you have a diagnosis, now the fun can begin! I hope you get the help and support you need. #anythinggoes

At 14 September 2015 at 11:23 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Thanks for reading!

At 14 September 2015 at 11:24 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

So do I. Thanks for reading.

At 14 September 2015 at 17:46 , Blogger Random Musings said...

A diagnosis is great on one hand - as you say he we now have easier access to any help or support he may need. But I agree it won't change any of his day to day struggles. It annoys me so much when people assume any child with autism is the same as every other child with autism. People are all different, and by assuming autism makes them all the same, it is like saying that defines them and it doesn't! I love reading your posts, they are always very informative.
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

At 14 September 2015 at 23:50 , Blogger Unknown said...

I hope the diagnosis will get you access to the support he and you might find useful. The thing I found most bewildering after my 3 yo's diagnosis at the beginning of this year was not that he was now 'autistic' but rather the huge amounts of paperwork and agencies and people that suddenly came into our lives to 'help'. It's calmed down a bit now, but to start with it was overwhelming! I hope it's not the same for you.

I love the point you made about empathy. And about individuality. It really annoys me how people lump those with diagnosis together. Much love to you and Tyger #twinklytuesday

At 14 September 2015 at 23:52 , Blogger Anna said...

Such a valuable insight and great to dispel those commonly held beliefs. Appreciate you sharing this.

At 15 September 2015 at 00:20 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Thank you! It seems the misconceptions about ASD are changing so that's a good start.

At 15 September 2015 at 00:22 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

I know his preschool were already looking into the support we could get before he even had his diagnosis so we may well end up a bit overwhelmed now he has one. I guess if any of it ends up helping it will be worth it (I hope!).

Thank you for reading.

At 15 September 2015 at 00:23 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Thanks for reading.

At 15 September 2015 at 03:08 , Blogger Eat.Love.Live said...

What a brave mummy you are. Thank you for sharing this. Now you have an official diagnosis, at least you can all now move forward x #twinklytuesday

At 15 September 2015 at 10:45 , Blogger Alison said...

Congratulations on getting the diagnosis. You're absolutely right about the myths and misconceptions that surround autism, and you've put them right so succintly. The assumption that children with autism never make eye contact or can't be smily and affectionate is another. #sundaystars

At 15 September 2015 at 12:13 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Thank you. It's good to have it, just in case.

At 15 September 2015 at 12:15 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Oh, yes, definitely. I've had both of these with Tyger (he gives sporadic eye contact and is overly friendly with people). In fact, the reason I didn't include them in this post is because I've gone on about them at length in previous posts and didn't want to bore anyone too much!

Thanks for reading.

At 16 September 2015 at 03:39 , Blogger diary of a midlife mummy said...

I'm really pleased you have had the diagnosis through, though like you say, what exactly does it change in the grand scheme of things. But, as you also suggested, sometimes by putting a 'label' to things, you sometimes more assistance or help. This was a fascinating read and so well written from the heart. My cousin has this too, who I rarely see, so it's very interesting to see things as they should be. You've cleared up so much. Good luck with the next chapter. Thx so much for linking up with #SundayStars. Steph xxx

At 17 September 2015 at 03:02 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Thank you. I'd like to think I've shed a little light on ASD.

Thanks for reading.

At 18 September 2015 at 05:36 , Blogger Mummascribbles said...

Really glad you've got a diagnosis although like you say it won't change the day to day challenges. I do hope however that it gets you the right support to try and make those daily challenges a bit easier for all. Just to add - I am one of those weird people who put their milk in first šŸ˜†Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

At 21 September 2015 at 02:56 , Blogger Stevie - A Cornish Mum said...

Well done for writing this post and correcting a few assumptions that many probably make! I hope all of you get plenty of support now that he has his diagnosis.
Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
Stevie x

At 21 September 2015 at 02:57 , Blogger Stevie - A Cornish Mum said...

Well done for writing this post and correcting a few assumptions that many probably make! I hope all of you get plenty of support now that he has his diagnosis.
Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
Stevie x

At 21 September 2015 at 02:57 , Blogger Stevie - A Cornish Mum said...

Well done for writing this post and correcting a few assumptions that many probably make! I hope all of you get plenty of support now that he has his diagnosis.
Thanks for linking up to #Picknmix
Stevie x

At 22 September 2015 at 02:29 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

Haha, you monster you! How can you tell how much to put in without seeing what colour the tea goes??

Thanks for reading.

At 22 September 2015 at 02:30 , Blogger Lady Nym said...

If just a couple of people realise they had misconceptions it's totally worth it. Thanks for reading.


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